Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your cock deserves a montage
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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