i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
