Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
