Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
