I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize