She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize