I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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