so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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