this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
