If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
