I'm really into asian looking animals
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
