how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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