I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
