Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
