awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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