So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
