Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
