and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
