Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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