oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just gargled with NyQuil
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
