all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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