I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
