my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
