just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
