then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
