Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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