i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
