Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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