You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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