Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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