I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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