end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
