Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
