Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
