i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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