Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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