I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
