he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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