I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
