If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
