just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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