i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
