He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize