Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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