and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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