honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
