I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
