Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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