I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
