we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i think i just lost a toe
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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