Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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