Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
