She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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