Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
