he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
