I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
