the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
