I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
