Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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