wakey wakey hands off snakey
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
