never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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