a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
