Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
