he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
