On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
