I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
