shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
