you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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