I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
