Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
