Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
