I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
