My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
