Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
