I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
