it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
